Competition: Confusion Cleared for You and Your Child in 9 Steps

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“Hey momma, I am not going to stir out of the house anymore, and I’ll be studying all night, right up to the day of my competition. So please, don’t disturb me!” said Erika.

“That’s OK, you will not be disturbed, carry on with your studies if you need anything let me know. Your routine will not bother me, so don’t hesitate.” Mom said considerately.

It was a bright cold night. A night owl perched on the tree. Let us take a peek into Erika’s night-time study routine.

She goes into her room, switches on the light, illuminating her entire desk and disposing off the pile of mess on the desk. Clear Desk, Clean Mind! Opens her books for the onset of study attack. With a view to fill her head with all the knowledge so that her confidence in herself would be boosted.

Bracing her shoulders, she gets into the thick of it, reading an article on how to prepare for a competitive examination. She then reads a chapter of her study material, makes notes and soaks in all the information with the help of three tall glasses of water!

Erika is an above average student. In spite of that she finds it difficult to concentrate due to various factors. It could be the opinions of her boyfriend, chattering of her friends, bullying, lack of mutual understanding or her daily household routine! Freedom of thought and expression, rational inquiry, critical thinking, religious tolerance, political liberty and scientific reasoning are some of the factors that influence her. She thinks that these will improve one’s quality of life and make this world a much better place in the future.

After a three hour sleep she gets up but in an irritable mood. She joins her family for breakfast.

“O! God, why do I have to have eggs for breakfast every day?” Erika spurts out.

“I thought that is what you wanted” said her mother.

Erika with risen exasperation level proclaims, “The World is not running on what you think or what you decide mom, I want to have what I want. Do you ever think that maybe your daughter is changing, she doesn’t want to have the same eggs and bread that she has for breakfast every day, and has her choices, her liking for breakfast?”

The mother bewildered at her daughters’ outburst tries to be calm and says, “Oh! Hold on! I know that you are perfectly capable of taking decisions! Tell me now, what would you like to have, Madame President?! You know what, you have had too little sleep, that is what the matter is with you!”

Erika looks at her mother blankly and says “I don’t know!”.

Now dear reader, this is when you ask me what is this all about.

The above scenario has occurred in the past, occurs in the present and will occur in the future whenever a young student enters into the competitive world.

This petulant behavior of the young student, is it because of lack of sleep or are there other reasons for it?

Let’s now ponder over this. No doubt competitiveness is beneficial as it nurtures curiosity, hard work, experimentation with the methods of learning-self-study, group study, assignments and case studies, learning tricks, mnemonics etc. The aim is to make the student aware of her capabilities, set and achieve goals, develop the individual personality. The aim is not to stifle creativity and inborn skills.

But in reality, what does happen? It scares the wit out of her! She is driven by fear- the fear of failure!

Why does this Happen?

Children who grow up in an atmosphere that encourages rational inquiry, critical thinking and curiosity do pick up positive traits from everyone they come across. They learn to make informed choices with boldness and confidence. The acquiring of these traits does involve having a lot of patience in the hard work put in by both adults and young adults. If the atmosphere on the other hand encourages fear and mistrust, it makes the young adult suspicious, belligerent and confused. The adult may think that they know what is best for their young adult and act accordingly, but when the young adult is under pressure due to competitiveness her reaction to even the most innocent comment like- who are the friends whom you hang out with? Could elicit an angry response of “Why do you want to know?”

Every child is unique and the experiences, complications of life influence their mind differently. If adults are not able to understand this the young adult feels suffocated, hemmed in and plain scared.

Young adults are highly sensitive and pick up signals very easily.

They knowingly or unknowingly learn fear from adults.

Undiluted Solutions

1. Meditation, Yoga and enriching sleep routine combined with healthy diet are undoubtedly a positive beginning for preparation.

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2. Know this that the young adult is perturbed and has mixed feelings on the outcomes of their preparation. Taking them into an entertaining and relaxing shortcoming like family picnics, joy ride to the amusement park, a water park, or a walk in the garden with family will ensure they remain receptive and responsive. It gives you an opportunity to check their level of attentiveness, which could be marked to understand how the young adult is coping up with mental pressure.

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3. Sign up for a genuine supply of no phone belt by explaining to the young adult the hassles of phone. They need to know their phone is an embodied cause for strained eyes and mental pressure. It causes suppression of thoughts and pain in the neck called text necks due to excessive texting on phone for long hours.

Don’t get too hard. It’s already hard enough for the young adult to not become tempted with phony games and chatting. They try to relieve their stress. Although it works in creating thoughts that work against them in their preparation and if they are unaware of these factors it may cause turbulence and depression.

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4. Show interest in what your young adult is studying. Save in mind this interest is not perpetuated by you listening to them from one ear and letting it out from another while voluptuary gobbling up your food and shouting NEXT! The demand is to sustain a keen interest in what they are saying, with whatsoever input of your consecration on the subject being studied.

There are times when you may not know anything on the topic of study. Yet you can find it engrossing and are glad to take a peek on your child’s interest. This aids the child to be focused.

Sitting like a dame with a blank facial expression will have three responses from the child.

One, feeling bemused and sensing extreme elation.

Second, the sedulous effort to make you realize what the young adult has understood with relevance to subject.

Third, sheer annoyance by the dint of lighting the fuse on the child’s tampon, oops!

Try to ask imperfect questions. This may draw a gag at your incompetence but it will serve to remind the child to not instill overconfidence. The possibilities are that the child will open up to you in an even brighter and better way by involving you in their personal life choices by asking for your suggestion.

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                        ‘WE CAN MAKE A BETTER DAY, JUST YOU AND ME’

5. Free your young adult of their burdens. Cut the onus of relationship calls and their mind pondering over to inconsequential direction. If the boyfriend/girlfriend cares, loves and is accommodating, they are certain to see that focus and courageous devotion to the task lying ahead of them is of higher priority.

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6. Dinner in your home and the company of your friends are beneficial. There are competitors who will try to expose the low peaks of your young adult, like smoking or drinking. Young adults who are unable to understand such exposure become defensive and hurt themselves in the course by guzzling negativity from their low peaks. Young adults who understand it get to the threshold or brink of bursting out with anger and impairing their studies. This is followed by famed five stages: denial, worry, depression, anxiety and headaches.

The best a parent can do is engage in a sterling and stimulating conversation with their young adult to open their child’s mind to positive perceptions.

Ascertain to the child that negative swashbuckling by posers is an antic controlling their own nature. The quest is to find the key to unlock the doors to accommodate their habits and have the posers by their neck. This way the posers bear no threat to real competitors.

The real competitors by their erstwhile determination and devotion will over the period of time learn to suspend irritants like these with rubbish.

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7. There is something that parents do quite often. They headline others achievement and tell their young adult that they aren’t capable of following their thoughts to achieve their goal cause its irrational. They fail to understand how important it is for the young adult to feel supported and encouraged for them to excel.

Such stratagem makes them run away from challenges. It can come across as a fanatic crack call, sending wrong message of discouragement to some young adult. It makes them think that you are essentially explaining to them that you don’t think they can do any good.

This is how a great extent of young adults understand it. It leads to pointless arguments, which destroys the belief system of the young adult. Without a belief system, the child will face problems in learning. It may also cause confusion on how to use effectively what they have learnt.

There are young adults who understand the challenge that parents evoke by their attitude and use it as a motive to work harder. They look for more challenging prospects of growth. Although, the young adult is already discouraged in this scenario and will not perform to the best of their potential. They end up desperately seek for help. Finding help makes them feel dependent on people or you as a parent. They end up living in the same vicious cycle of forever trying out as a discouraged young adult. This fight takes them to an empty rink where they are fighting their own self and find no potential growth despite taking the challenge up.

With a positive and encouraging environment, parents can harbor belief in the instincts and intuition of young adult. With belief, they understand that all they need is within them.

The idea of making your child become more competitive is to ensure they are independent and capable of establishing themselves in their work.

You don’t want them to wonderfully land in the very rink that you should want them to escape from.

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8. Encourage your child with stories of your own struggles. They too need to know how you got where you are- good or bad. If you feel your struggles aren’t strong enough to encourage them then choose stories. It is more inspiring and lunges towards a path that delightfully diverts from systematic subversion and brain washing. Making robotic caricature of our young adult is not what we wish.

9. Be compassionate and empathetic. Your nurturing nature boosts their creativity and makes them self-resilient.

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The finding that I have presented suggest that young adults infiltrating themselves in the rat race need not conceal themselves within walls. They need not bury themselves under sand. They need not lie suspended underneath the ocean with heavy anchorage of thoughts weighing so hard on the minds of some, that all is lost, sometimes even life. The young adult can enjoy trapping their competitive rats or let them pass by feeding them a piece of their knowledgeable cheese. They can find themselves rolling in sand and jumping from sand dunes as strong and positive students. Your right evocations and positive attitude can make them rock the ship they are sailing on and fearless of the tides they will sail against. It will make them break the chains holding them and build a strong binding with knowledge for the smooth functioning of their vitality. Open your child’s perception and permit your small fry possess the key to the door that he bears to open every day.

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